A BRIEF INTRODUCTION ON
MARTYN MARTIAL ARTS
MARTYN MARTIAL ARTS IS THE BLEND OF SPECIFIC HOLISTIC DISCIPLINES, CULMINATED OVER THOUSANDS OF YEARS OF HUMAN EVOLUTION, THROUGH A SERIES OF TRIAL AND ERROR,
TO ASSIST HOMO SAPIENS
IN THE COMPLEX PROCESS OF COMPLETE
HOLISTIC DEVELOPMENT
OF OUR MIND, BODY, AND SPIRIT...
HOWEVER,
BEFORE WE BEGIN THIS HIGHLY EDUCATIONAL PROGRAM ON MARTYN MARTIAL ARTS, IT SEEMS AS THOUGH GURU G-BEAR WOULD LIKE TO EXPRESS A FEW WORDS...
ALRIGHT PEOPLE, LISTEN UP!
REPEAT AFTER ME!
I SHALL RESPECT GURU G-BEAR!
I SHALL NEVER MISUSE MARTYN MARTIAL ARTS!
I SHALL BE A CHAMPION OF FREEDOM AND JUSTICE!
NOW,
I WILL TELL YOU
THE BENEFITS OF TRAINING WITH ME,
GURU G-BEAR!
AFTER 1-WEEK WITH ME,
YOU WILL BE PREPARED TO DEFEND YOURSELF AGAINST YOURSELF!
AFTER 8-WEEKS WITH ME, YOU WILL HAVE...
THE STRENGTH OF A GRIZZLY!
THE REFLEXES OF A PANDA!
AND THE WISDOM OF A GURU G-BEAR!
NOW,
I WILL GIVE YOU YOUR ONE-AND-ONLY
FREE CLASS,
SO PAY ATTENTION!
IN CASE YOU FORGOT,
MY NAME IS GURU G-BEAR!
AND IF YOU STUDY WITH MY 8-WEEK PROGRAM,
YOU WILL LEARN A SYSTEM OF MARTIAL ARTS
THAT I HAVE DEVELOPED OVER ZERO SEASONS
OF HAVING NEVER FOUGHT IN THE OCTAGON!
IT'S CALLED MARTYN MARTIAL ARTS!
THE INTERCONNECTED DISCIPLINES OF
BOGA, BEARKIDO, AND BEARKOUR!
OH, AND MY
NOT-SO-SECRET INGREDIENT...
BEARTRITION!
ALRIGHT,
I NEED A PAYING VOLUNTEER!
OKAY, YOU'LL DO!
COME UP HERE!
BOW TO GURU G-BEAR!
BOW
TO GURU G-BEAR!
OKAY.
IT'S JUST THAT SIMPLE.
HAVE A SEAT.
NOW,
IN ADDITION TO WHAT YOU JUST SAW,
YOU'RE GONNA LEARN
THESE THINGS...
FIRST OFF:
MARTYN MARTIAL ARTS,
WE USE THE BUDDY SYSTEM!
SECOND OFF:
YOU'RE GONNA LEARN TO DISCIPLINE YOUR IMAGE!
DO YOU THINK GURU G-BEAR GOT TO WHERE HE IS TODAY
BECAUSE GURU G-BEAR DRESSES LIKE PETER PAN?
TAKE A LOOK AT WHAT I'M WEARING PEOPLE!
DO YOU THINK ANYONE WANTS A
JUMP-SPINNING-KICK
TO THE FACE
WHILE I'M WEARING THIS OUTFIT?
FORGET ABOUT IT!
LAST OFF:
MY STUDENTS ARE GONNA LEARN ABOUT SELF-RESPECT!
DO YOU THINK ANYBODY THINKS
I'M A FAILURE BECAUSE
I EITHER GO HOME ALONE?...
OR BECAUSE
I GO HOME TO
PEACEFUL-PATTY EVERYNIGHT?
FORGET ABOUT IT!
NOW,
FOR ONLY APPROXIMATELY $3000 CAD
YOU CAN SIGN UP FOR MY 8-WEEK PROGRAM!
